Long time no post... Seriously having a mosaic of feelings... it can't be fully addressed by words, either it will be underscored, or misunderscoring it... all i can concot is that its mixed up with anger-disappointment-melancholiness-sadness & determination... Only those who have experienced it will will empathize with me. Hate to post with such negativity. Hope its the first & last. I don't wanna wallow in self-guilt & depression, thats SO not the way to lead a life afterall... Whenever i look back to the times we shared our time together - the times we studied together, times we went out together to eat or shop, times we were constantly there for each other & the times we stood by & supported each other.I will feel happy & fortunate now if i were to reminisce to the past, but it doesn't bring back the smile to my face anymore. Its gone forever & for good.
Sadness, since that fateful parting, there seemed to be a missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle from my heart. As much as i would like to find it, I know that its just like gripping a greased apple - the harder we try to grab it, the further it gets from our reach.I have always regarded you as a perfect & close friend in my life, but you just disappeared without an explanation, never to turn back. Since then, I finally comprehended the feeling of an incomplete wholeness in someone. I have given up wholly & totally on you now, theres no turning back. All hopes are dashed due to the constant wounds inflicted.Yes, its unbearable, really afflictive & salt-stinging pain. Just want to give YOU a sincere thank you. The first & most painful slash.Its painful,it really is.Its over.
Disappointment - again, i have misjudged some of my closest & good friends - those who appeared time and again in front of me in a bid to support & console in tough times.I appreciate your authenticity in intentions from time to time & also your listening ears, but it certainly does not overlook the unjust & massive destruction that has been u had already done to me. The debris left behind will always remain as debris & my perception in turn will change forever & ever. Life is made complicated because of people like them.Trust & genuine friendship is a whole big difference to simplicity - which is the most unattinable asset to gain, I have not found a true one till now. The greatest companion i have now is also the unthinkable.The second slash & all thanks to you all ! But I have to thank you for the good time & moments that we shared too. Thank you. Its done!
Melancholy. Now that I have come to terms with the problems I faced & I am going to face, I understand the people who feel with/for me. Really, I do ! Theres particularly someone I have in mind. Someone who is not responsible for his own actions ! In life, theres always a CAUSE & EFFECT. If you are the cause, you have to get the effects. You try to escape the EFFECTS,then YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A COWARD & A COMPLUSIVE LIAR !! & IT WILL STAY AS A FACT WITH YOU FOR LIFE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT !! Even if you think you're the one who can relate to anything & everything, I tell you now ! YOU CANNOT !!! Don't assume that having a high IQ equates to a high EQ... Both of the factors are inversely propotionate !! Its thanks to people like you who corrupt & dilute the not-so-perfect world.
Anger + Determination. With anger, Drive & resolution is generated. Its getting long winded. Now I know why some people are suicidal. The pressure that they face is just unbearable, unendureable & unsuppressable.No amount of grief & tears can replace the unspoken hurt. But for those who are, I'm sure if theres a will, theres a way, its a mind game. I shall stop here then, I have said my piece. There will not be a reiteration I hope. And I really do hope.
Distance is no longer a boundary.
DENNIS THOR
2xNOV1991;SEVENTEEN
Singapore Polytechnic (DTRM)
Aspiring Maestro Pianist
Hope to Be a Great Viola-ist
